Thursday, April 7, 2011

The "BIG" Salmon and Horse talk

It's inevitable.  Children get older and start asking questions.  It is natural and I knew the day would come when I would have to have the "Big Talk" with my kids.  I just didn't realize they would all start asking the hard questions on the same day!  Seriously --- It was like a hailstorm of stork and body part questions bombarded me when I wasn't even prepared for light rain.

Tamsyn was first -- During the middle of D-boy's diaper change--
"Mom, what is that thing that Dantley has but me and Tasha don't"
I calmly reply with the proper term --
Her response -"HA HA that is a funny name!" She repeats it a few times giggling each time, then asks,  "What is mine called?"
I tell her and she rolls with laughter again and yells for Tasha, she wants to teach her these new terms.
Nothing like the words penis and vagina to start a comedy club for a 6 year old.
Days later-- of course she only remembers what the boy part is called and proceeds to give grandma Alyce an anatomy lesson.

Next came Trey's question which led me to believe this was some kind of conspiracy...
Trey - "Mom, why doesn't Tamsyn have a peepee?"
Me - "Well buddy, that is what makes you a boy and she is a girl."
Trey - "Oh"  thoughtful pause -- "Well then how does she go pee!?"
I won't even go into my answer, but you have to admit that that was a pretty good question.

The discussion with Tasha was entirely my own fault.  Sometimes I answer questions without thinking... you'll understand right away what I mean.

After hearing Jake and I talk about the BYU player who was suspended for breaking the honor code she asks, "So what did that guy do to get suspended?"
Me-"He broke an honor code that he had agreed to follow."
Tash - "Ya well, what did he do that broke the code."
Me - "He got his girlfriend pregnant." (I know, terrible answer right?)
T- "What! How did he do that? Did he just say to her (waving her arms like she's casting a spell) --Be pregnant!... They are not married.  He can't get her pregnant!"
Me-"Ummm, Yes... yes he can and he did."
T - "Well, what did he do? How did he do it!?"

I was a bit stunned at the mess I had gotten myself into and stared at her trying to think of the best way to explain things.  As I started to stutter out some feeble response about males and females I saw a light go on.  She interrupted my incoherent mumbling and said --
"Oh, is it like with horses?" (both of her grandpa's have horses that have had babies in the past few years, and often the colts or baby mules are from different dads).
Me "Yep, it is.  And like other animals too. Remember when we went fishing in Alaska and you and Tamsyn knew which fish were girls because of the eggs?"
Me "Remember the boys squirted out something else to fertilize the eggs? Well it is like that with humans too..."
With a slightly disgusted look on her face, "Do all girls have eggs inside of them?"

I explained to her a bit more and told her we would get a book and have a more in depth talk soon. 
I must admit this is all a bit overwhelming.

 I still remember in second grade when my mom had to confirm that those really gross sounding things that a fifth grader on the bus had told me were true.  She had had it thrown at her when neither she nor I was ready.  I vividly recall picturing a church organ with pipes inside my body when she told me that we all have different organs.  I didn't get it.  Hopefully I can get this deer in the headlights look off my face and figure out the most positive and uplifting manner to approach this tough and important subject with my kids. 

But until then... so much for the birds and the bees --- in our family we will be discussing salmon and horses.

No pics this time--My hand is now in a full on, very annoying cast. But this happened about a week ago and I wanted to get it down.


debi said...

it was a rooster and chicken that "outed" us....dern wild life

Teri said...

Love this...made me smile.
I remember learning about how babies were made...I was telling a friend that I had a new baby brother when an older girl overheard and told me how he got here...don't remember exact phrasing but I refused to believe that my parents would ever do that, so she must be lying.

Carola said...

I laughed as I read this post but also remember being upset when other peoples' children were telling my children things they had no business telling them, besides I wanted to tell my own children when I was good and ready and of course that would and should be when I decided they were ready. (does that ever happen in real life?)