Thursday, June 9, 2011

Why so Hideous?

When you were a kid did you ever see those National Geographic World Magazines? If not you definitely missed out. 

 My sister had a subscription and when she wasn't looking I used to like to thumb through it.  My favorite part was the very last page.  There was always a grid of abstract angles or super close up pictures of things.  The point was to try and guess what they were.  I loved it -- thus my inspiration and wordy explanation for today's picture layout.

Can you guess?  

The not so beautiful things that happen to moms after having gorgeous little babies -- 

A - Ultra saggy lumpy bumpy skin and funky stretch marks (not pictured --Deflate, inflate, squirt, drip or hang -- you get the idea, right?)

B- Hair falls out in bunches and grows back eerily similar to how a 4 year old's does when they cut their own bangs

C - Goopy white sticky smelly decorations on my either way too baggy or rubber-banded to button clothes... and just FYI -- right now I DESPISE all of my clothes and my closet too.

D - No, I didn't get mugged on the street, I just haven't slept for longer than a 4 hour stretch for 7 months

So -- the other day I was thinking about all of these amazingly opposite of sexy things that happen to us after giving birth.  I couldn't help but wonder -- WHY!?  Seriously, we just did one of the most amazing possible things by participating in the wonderful miracle it is to bring a new glorious life into the world!  Shouldn't we get to be beautiful and radiant and full of extra energy?  I thought to myself, what kind of payback is this for all the work we moms just went through and are about to face?? ... and then with the possibility of sounding slightly irreverent, I thought -- maybe someday if I get to be in charge I might just take these not-so-fun side affects away.  I might make women who have just had a baby suddenly look like super models simply because in my opinion (and feeling as hideous as I do right now)... it seems we deserve it.  Goodbye stretch marks.  Hello nice smooth curves, glowing skin and flowing locks.  Sounds nice right?

Then it hit me --- Maybe there is more to it.... Maybe all of these unattractive things are just nature's way of helping us keep these little darlings well spaced apart.  Something like natural birth control.
I mean seriously--- if we were hotter than ever after having a baby... well you know.   Our bodies must become ugly on purpose just to up the chance of getting a longer break.
Sounds completely logical to me  -  I guess there are good reasons for everything...

That said -- I still hate my hair right now.


Sarah said...

You hit the nail right on the button! The only difference is I've only been at it (again) for 7 weeks. But pretty much the same. The only thing I would add is that the tiny hairs that grow back in on my head are white. But I like your conclusion. Someday though, I'd like that body...

Sarah said...

Head, I meant head! You hit the nail right on the head!

Vanalee said...

Vicki, this post is so true. I still have the after effects of my five gorgeous babies.

I love the things you write and illustrate here.

nAnnie-Laurie :-) said...

Battle and war scars that show our dedication, love and perseverance in raising those blessings from Heaven <3 well-earned and greatly-esteemed battle scars <3 your Heavenly reward will come <3 that more-than-perfect body will be returned to you someday and you'll appreciate it ever so much more :-D (and guess what? it just gets worse with mortal old age ROFL!! -- just more to appreciate later <3)

debi said...

Nice try gorgeous.

Ranee said...

I completely agree!